October 14, 2008

Hanumanthappa

My parents always think I am too forthright and bold for my good and are a little afraid about this quality in me.

What I am about to narrate happened a year ago and I don't know what to make of it.

I got of as usual at the silk board junction and I saw a handicapped man. He was dragging himself on his hands as he could not walk. I could not tear my eyes away from him.

I saw him go and seek alms from all the people who were waiting at the signal. He might have gotten 15 rupees. I waited for the signal to turn green and went to him. I gave him 10 rupees and told him I ll be back again tomorrow.

In the course of my conversation I learnt his name was Hanumanthappa. He had been left by his family here, under the overhead bridge as he was a handicap. And so he had resorted to begging. He spoke in Telugu, a language I don't understand at all save a few words.

I tried conveying to him I ll be back tomorrow and felt a weight in my heart. He probably had never been spoken to before. He was dirty. I did not feel repulsed. I don't know why. I held his hand and reaffirmed I ll come tomorrow in hand gestures.

I should tell you that in the course of this conversation, the next lot of vehicles had stopped at the signal and were looking at us in a strange manner. I am ashamed to say that, I felt uncomfortable in the glare of all the people. And convincing him as best as I could, I trudged on my way to work.

My heart was heavy, I felt tears smart my eyes. I mean, I had a lovely family who would go to any distance for me. And here was this man, who was not wanted, who had been discarded like he was trash.

I wanted to do something. I called up my cousin who worked with the Times as a journalist. I asked her for organizations that cared for the unwanted. I had made up my mind. I was going to get him off the streets and be self sufficient. I did not want him begging.

She gave me a number to Miss. Lillian De Costa who ran a charitable organization. She was out of station and would be back the next day I was told.

Next day, I got of at the signal. He was there. I went to him and asked him in English and Kannada alternatively, if he would give up begging if I could find a way for him to get money. He didn't say anything. I told him I would get him enrolled into a charitable organization where he would be expected to work according to his abilities and he would be paid for it. I am not sure if he understood. But he nodded yes. I said I ll be back again.

And I contacted Lillian who said she would send a man who spoke Telugu. I asked her to send the volunteer in the morning when I would be there. I told her I would like to accompany him in enrolling him. I don't know why I told her that I was convinced he wanted to be of the streets.

Next two days the volunteer was held up in another work. And I would go talk to Hanumanthappa. He now had a smile on his face when he saw me coming.

Finally the day came when the volunteer arrived. I was in for a shock. Hanumanthappa did not want to go anywhere. He had been under the impression I was going to give him money it seems.

He said he made close to 300 Rs a day begging under the bridge. He said he would never get that kinda money working anywhere. I was at a loss for words and apologized profusely to the volunteer for making him come all the way.

I did not understand it. Maybe he had gotten too dependent on the easy money or maybe he just did not want to earn working hard. The volunteer gave me his card and said there were other ways I could help people and asked me to come over to the office sometime and see how I could be of help.

When I told my best friend this, he said "You were always a sucker for sob stories"...... and he left it tailing at that.

My parents were momentarily afraid, concerned about my safety, thinking I might have gotten to the organization all by myself taking Mr. Hanumanthappa along. Then they said they were sorry it did not work out.

My sister laughed on my face and then stopped on seeing the hurt look on my face.

I have wanted to stop thinking about the incident. Tried real hard. Tried to turn my face away when I see a woman begging with her child on the streets under the humid heat. Tried to convince myself that given a chance, they might want more from themselves.

I stopped when a beggar woman I approached screamed at me in Hindi saying I was spoiling her life when all I did was tell her to find a job as a labourer at construction sites and even told her the name of Domlur Sabha(an org in my area that works somewhat like Rotary) where her kids could study free of cost.

She refused outright and spit on the road. I was hurt that she could not see for her what I saw for her. I came home and cried. I was of no help to both the people whose cause I had taken up.

Some days after that I saw Hanumanthappa in an inebriated state under the bridge. Flies hovering around his face. I felt my chest and throat constrict. I could not swallow.

I still cant explain or put in words what these experiences have taught me. I don't know if I have learnt to leave people alone. Maybe I should.........

4 comments:

Puranjoy said...

Or maybe you should not.
Maybe you should instead learn these:
1) You can't help one who doesn't want to be helped. Doesn't mean you stop helping others.
2) "I was hurt that she could not see for her what I saw for her."--Stop that kind of thought. It's not yours to see for others, whoever they are or however disadvantaged you perceive them to be.

Meh, who am I to get all pontificating! I do the same myself.

VasuDev Behere said...

Really heart Touching.
We feel concerned for something but actually the concerned are not concerned about a point of concern aint it!?
It happens.

Well there's a joke,:" A boy was eating ice candies, and when he took the fifth one, a person wathcing him thought thats too much. He went to the boy and said: " Son u are eating too many ice candies, its not good for ur health." THe boy answered: " You know my Grand Father died at 101." Surprised the man asked " Did he eat lots of ice candies, to which the child replied "He minded his own business"
But we dont know helping such a person may be a part of our business. Be concerned for matters of concern. !
And finally add me on ur orkut friends list. Pl
Regards
Vasudev Behere.
visit my webpage
pradyumn.rediffiland.com

SANKAR SALVADY said...

Was catching up on ur blog after a while, Sowmya..

I am amazed, humbled by ur gesture .. it requires a lot compassion and conviction to do what u did in front of so many glaring eyes in a place like silkboard..

hate sermons. so will leave u with an article that might give u the much needed inspiration:
http://www.hinduonnet.com/mp/2004/08/16/stories/2004081601500100.htm/

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