I am whacking tissues from the conference room. No wait. This isn’t stealing. Ok I am borrowing them. Shucks. I can’t be borrowing them since I am not returning them in the exact state I took them in. So what is it I am doing with the tissues?
I am helping myself to a few tissues from work, stuffing my already bloated and red nose into it and … wait for it…. ACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO . That was a whopper of a sneeze. Am I done? ACCCCCHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Well, not for a long time to come.
So I need to make this wretched over the top acting cold virus disappear forever so I can work and be more productive. Hence the tissue issue I am doing this all for being a productive working professional. And using office stationery for official purpose is not stealing. NO. It is not.
Sniff Sniff… I am running out of tissues to stuff my nose with …. Annoying this cold is when it makes you want to tear your eyes off and those of who are healthy as well. Sigh…
Hindsight is the best sight and it is often the “never to find sight” just when you need it.
I know I should have said NO to the NUTTIES. I know should have said NO to the CRACKLES. I know I should have definitely said NO to the slurpy and drool worthy ALMOND ROCCA. Well, I obviously didn’t remember to do any of that and I have started the funeral preparations for my tooth.
Root Canal with those sharp, shiny and boring (as in drilling a hole) equipments is torture. So after quite some excavation, the mean evil dentists sucked the juice out of my living teeth and it has been laid to rest. There are quite a few sittings to suck this life out since I do have a tooth that perseveres and after every appointment – I feel my tooth is less alive.
On the TV front, I don’t quite hate the new Red Cell yet. I just don’t feel the energy and togetherness of the team as yet. The casting is so off :( though I like the cases this time around. Still it lacks the pizzazz and spunk. Maybe they are a newly formed unit and yet to get to know one another as well as the previous unit did. I miss Aaron Hotchner. I miss Reid; Even P is not her whole self in this new unit of Red Cell.
Coming to Movies,
Trespass – not bad
Cowboys vs. Aliens – what is the movie about? Why do aliens always attack only America – not that I am complaining: D
Conan the Barbarian - sucks
Ko - Not bad for a Tamil movie. Liked it
Hangover 2 - Do not please watch with parents, teenage cousins and kids
And seriously what is with the furor around Aishwarya Rai’s baby. Glad the hype and hoopla is over. Maids gossiping about it, naming the baby, selecting the dates, colleagues exchanging notes, horoscopes being discussed. I mean it’s a baby.
Get a life people and give me better gossip :D
December 5, 2011
April 26, 2011
Business Development
My first solo experience in attending a workshop on behalf of my company was on March 18, 2011. The Workshop was on “Off-Shoring and Outsourcing Opportunities in Australia and the Asia-Pacific Region”.
The inaugural speaker focused on the growing importance of Australia as a destination of IT and BPO industries which we could capitalize on as our biggest strength today remains a good eco-system consisting of industry expertise, good physical infrastructure, academia and the government support.
As I was thinking about convergence of positions of India and Australia in several areas, I was also trying to count how many others had come in a similar capacity as me. On last count there were close to 110 delegates. Each and every person there was working out ideas in his/ her head to tap into the Australian IT market worth A$100-billion – including me
I was seated next to Ms. M and Mr. P. I broke the ice by talking to Ms. M and made formal introductions of the companies we represented. She was from the Accounting industry and I was talking IT. We then exchanged business cards. She, being a regular member to the workshops conducted by the Chamber told me she would introduce me to few other key members.
The next introduction happened with the other neighbor – Mr P who was CEO of his BPO outfit in Kerala. Exchange of business cards seemed to be a natural action my hands realized sooner than my brain did.
Hmmm now that was not so bad. That actually went mighty well – thinking so I settle to hear my first speaker. I actually liked what she spoke. Pity no one could give her a standing ovation like the other speakers received due to some confusion on the stage
Before I knew it – she left and it was tea break and a whole new ball game. I realized that it is one thing to talk to people whom you are sitting next to as conversations gravitate towards the known whereas it’s a whole new ball game when you are breaking lines, addressing random people who actually might be wanting to enjoy and savor their tea unaware that here I am - inviting them to listen to what I had to say about my company and what we had to offer and how we can synergize our common goals.
The constant worry running in the back of my mind is – "Will coffee/tea win over the business conversations?" because the coffee/ tea was exceptionally good :)
I decided to follow Ms. M’s lead. The first few introductions were courtesy her – to the organizers of the event and the Chamber representatives and that’s when I noticed a pattern. People would very easily slip in and out of groups of people huddled over a cup of coffee and move to newer groups and talk business.
During the tea break session I could do that only within 2 groups and I had downed 2 coffees. I decided to put on my skates at the next break and carry tons more of business cards.
I had a question to ask the next speaker as it concerned a bottleneck I (my company) was facing in a new venture undertaken involving the Government. I got his insights which sounded like workable solutions and made a mental note to talk to him in person later. After a few more questions, it was lunch break.
This time, though the lunch comprised of an exciting spread, I had work to do. I approached Mr. J and got involved in a deep conversation on the North Eastern belt of India which was our area of interest. We spoke about impact of mobile penetration and he offered suggestions on how we could improve the literacy levels of the farming community to enable them get the maximum benefits of our new venture. He also gave a couple of references so we could explore more avenues and obtain a wider berth in the NE belt.
Post lunch, I felt no inertia. I was still as keyed up as I was in the morning and heard to all the speakers. And the second time was easier. The second half – people approached me wanting to know what business house I was representing and what was our expertise. Experienced the chase and also had to chase few others. The best of both worlds
Left to Bangalore the same night with new experiences, lots more business cards than I arrived with, new connections I hope will lead to business expansion and good memories
The inaugural speaker focused on the growing importance of Australia as a destination of IT and BPO industries which we could capitalize on as our biggest strength today remains a good eco-system consisting of industry expertise, good physical infrastructure, academia and the government support.
As I was thinking about convergence of positions of India and Australia in several areas, I was also trying to count how many others had come in a similar capacity as me. On last count there were close to 110 delegates. Each and every person there was working out ideas in his/ her head to tap into the Australian IT market worth A$100-billion – including me
I was seated next to Ms. M and Mr. P. I broke the ice by talking to Ms. M and made formal introductions of the companies we represented. She was from the Accounting industry and I was talking IT. We then exchanged business cards. She, being a regular member to the workshops conducted by the Chamber told me she would introduce me to few other key members.
The next introduction happened with the other neighbor – Mr P who was CEO of his BPO outfit in Kerala. Exchange of business cards seemed to be a natural action my hands realized sooner than my brain did.
Hmmm now that was not so bad. That actually went mighty well – thinking so I settle to hear my first speaker. I actually liked what she spoke. Pity no one could give her a standing ovation like the other speakers received due to some confusion on the stage
Before I knew it – she left and it was tea break and a whole new ball game. I realized that it is one thing to talk to people whom you are sitting next to as conversations gravitate towards the known whereas it’s a whole new ball game when you are breaking lines, addressing random people who actually might be wanting to enjoy and savor their tea unaware that here I am - inviting them to listen to what I had to say about my company and what we had to offer and how we can synergize our common goals.
The constant worry running in the back of my mind is – "Will coffee/tea win over the business conversations?" because the coffee/ tea was exceptionally good :)
I decided to follow Ms. M’s lead. The first few introductions were courtesy her – to the organizers of the event and the Chamber representatives and that’s when I noticed a pattern. People would very easily slip in and out of groups of people huddled over a cup of coffee and move to newer groups and talk business.
During the tea break session I could do that only within 2 groups and I had downed 2 coffees. I decided to put on my skates at the next break and carry tons more of business cards.
I had a question to ask the next speaker as it concerned a bottleneck I (my company) was facing in a new venture undertaken involving the Government. I got his insights which sounded like workable solutions and made a mental note to talk to him in person later. After a few more questions, it was lunch break.
This time, though the lunch comprised of an exciting spread, I had work to do. I approached Mr. J and got involved in a deep conversation on the North Eastern belt of India which was our area of interest. We spoke about impact of mobile penetration and he offered suggestions on how we could improve the literacy levels of the farming community to enable them get the maximum benefits of our new venture. He also gave a couple of references so we could explore more avenues and obtain a wider berth in the NE belt.
Post lunch, I felt no inertia. I was still as keyed up as I was in the morning and heard to all the speakers. And the second time was easier. The second half – people approached me wanting to know what business house I was representing and what was our expertise. Experienced the chase and also had to chase few others. The best of both worlds
Left to Bangalore the same night with new experiences, lots more business cards than I arrived with, new connections I hope will lead to business expansion and good memories
September 28, 2010
I feel alive again .....
I have been meaning to write for a long time now but I have always drawn a blank ... Its like my hands want to write but my mind does not budge.
I spoke about my childhood and memories of growing up - with someone recently - All I remember feeling from that conversation was - I was a bird soaring high. But I still could not write....... It was like there was this veil of cloud over my thoughts that were struggling to escape - the fight to break free started that day .....
A chance encounter today with a magnificent tree whose leaves were splayed in full glory at her footsteps - in a maze of colors honey, brown and green - touched a chord somewhere deep in me. The colors reminded me of a time back in childhood when everything was simpler ......... and the veil lifted finally - after a year
Tirunelveli -where I first learnt to appreciate life in all its simplicity - was a revelation and it shaped me and my sis to love people as they come into our lives
My earliest memory of Tirunelveli is checking into "Blue Star Hotel" where we were put up until dad got the stay arrangements finalized from the bank. I don't know if this hotel still exists - I would love to go see just it once.My dad, sis and I were suffering from Chicken Pox and I remember Mom keeping us all sane at that time what with all the mutual scratching we decided to gift one another in turns :)
MY HOUSE
No. 11,
Sivendipatty Road
Maharajanagar, Near Blind School
Tirunelveli, Tamilnadu
I wish to go back and see the house at the address above - where I grew up amidst the white and violet shoe flowers and tall wild grass in the front yard. I remember there being this cemented basement facility - where we had to climb down stairs and fill water in buckets and climb up. During rains - this would be filled to the brim with rain water. Thinking back - it was such an impractical construction. But I remember having made paper boats with my sister and parents and making them sail in our front yard in the muddy water.
I remember the bath area was outside the house and there was - what Sandy and I called - our own private magical forest with wild flowers, garden snakes, green moss along the edges of the backyard, view of the long railway track, sound of the train whistle. Sometimes Sandy and I would pretend we were the masters of the forest :)
MY NEIGHBOURS
I remember our house being opposite to Arthur Uncle's house who was an advocate. Next to his house was Mr. Swaran Singh, who was the IAS collector of that district. On the same lane as ours - was Avudiappan uncle who I hear is a big name in politics today. His was the last house of the lane. If I am not wrong - I think my dad drove himself and Avudiappan uncle into the ditch when he first started learning to ride the two wheeler :)
MY SCHOOL
Dad says that the first day - he took us to school walking - we kept stalling and were picking wild flowers from the road and filling our tiny pockets with them. He would call out Come Sowmya / Come Sandhya - and we would reply in baby shrill tones - Coming Daddy. He loves recounting this to date .........
I have dreamt of this school where I studied Std I to Std IV - several times. In my dreams - I remember being drawn by some invisible force till the huge gates. I remember the vast muddy expanse of land in front of the gates and stopping right at the entrance. I have always felt she is calling me, asking me to come visit. SJSSJS - Shree Jeyandra Saraswati Swamigal Silver Jubilee School - that's the school I studied for 4 glorious years.
I want to see if the fence through which I used to escape out of the school campus at lunch times with my sis and girl friends - remains in some recognizable fashion or has it fallen victim to the new times and conventions. I remember dragging Sandy's tiny hands and running with Ranjani and her sister Ragini to their place which was the closest. We would unpack our home made lunches there and Ranjani's mom would always make us fresh curd rice. Then we would huff and puff and run back to school in time for the classes after lunch.
I want to see if the classrooms and the staff rooms look and feel the same. I remember the hot breeze in summers that would make the huge trees sway and cast an enormously huge shade. I remember eating few lunches under this shade. I made my first set of best friends here - Arundathi and Ranjani. I am in touch with Ranjani. Have never been able to locate Arundathi though and I have not stopped looking.
I want to see if the assembly podium still stands in its semi circular pattern with steps leading up. I want to see if the flag pole stands in the corner there with the waving flag.
I am keeping my mind open to the definite possibility of there being a radical change in the entire vision I have in my head of this beautiful simple place. I am sure I will be saddened at having come too late. But visit her I will .... soon .... and it will be one of the highlights of my life. I hope, despite all these visual changes - the essence of the place remains as I remember it - warm and welcoming
Wait for me Tirunelveli. Falling in love all over again and its a beautiful and magical feeling...............
I spoke about my childhood and memories of growing up - with someone recently - All I remember feeling from that conversation was - I was a bird soaring high. But I still could not write....... It was like there was this veil of cloud over my thoughts that were struggling to escape - the fight to break free started that day .....
A chance encounter today with a magnificent tree whose leaves were splayed in full glory at her footsteps - in a maze of colors honey, brown and green - touched a chord somewhere deep in me. The colors reminded me of a time back in childhood when everything was simpler ......... and the veil lifted finally - after a year
Tirunelveli -where I first learnt to appreciate life in all its simplicity - was a revelation and it shaped me and my sis to love people as they come into our lives
My earliest memory of Tirunelveli is checking into "Blue Star Hotel" where we were put up until dad got the stay arrangements finalized from the bank. I don't know if this hotel still exists - I would love to go see just it once.My dad, sis and I were suffering from Chicken Pox and I remember Mom keeping us all sane at that time what with all the mutual scratching we decided to gift one another in turns :)
MY HOUSE
No. 11,
Sivendipatty Road
Maharajanagar, Near Blind School
Tirunelveli, Tamilnadu
I wish to go back and see the house at the address above - where I grew up amidst the white and violet shoe flowers and tall wild grass in the front yard. I remember there being this cemented basement facility - where we had to climb down stairs and fill water in buckets and climb up. During rains - this would be filled to the brim with rain water. Thinking back - it was such an impractical construction. But I remember having made paper boats with my sister and parents and making them sail in our front yard in the muddy water.
I remember the bath area was outside the house and there was - what Sandy and I called - our own private magical forest with wild flowers, garden snakes, green moss along the edges of the backyard, view of the long railway track, sound of the train whistle. Sometimes Sandy and I would pretend we were the masters of the forest :)
MY NEIGHBOURS
I remember our house being opposite to Arthur Uncle's house who was an advocate. Next to his house was Mr. Swaran Singh, who was the IAS collector of that district. On the same lane as ours - was Avudiappan uncle who I hear is a big name in politics today. His was the last house of the lane. If I am not wrong - I think my dad drove himself and Avudiappan uncle into the ditch when he first started learning to ride the two wheeler :)
MY SCHOOL
Dad says that the first day - he took us to school walking - we kept stalling and were picking wild flowers from the road and filling our tiny pockets with them. He would call out Come Sowmya / Come Sandhya - and we would reply in baby shrill tones - Coming Daddy. He loves recounting this to date .........
I have dreamt of this school where I studied Std I to Std IV - several times. In my dreams - I remember being drawn by some invisible force till the huge gates. I remember the vast muddy expanse of land in front of the gates and stopping right at the entrance. I have always felt she is calling me, asking me to come visit. SJSSJS - Shree Jeyandra Saraswati Swamigal Silver Jubilee School - that's the school I studied for 4 glorious years.
I want to see if the fence through which I used to escape out of the school campus at lunch times with my sis and girl friends - remains in some recognizable fashion or has it fallen victim to the new times and conventions. I remember dragging Sandy's tiny hands and running with Ranjani and her sister Ragini to their place which was the closest. We would unpack our home made lunches there and Ranjani's mom would always make us fresh curd rice. Then we would huff and puff and run back to school in time for the classes after lunch.
I want to see if the classrooms and the staff rooms look and feel the same. I remember the hot breeze in summers that would make the huge trees sway and cast an enormously huge shade. I remember eating few lunches under this shade. I made my first set of best friends here - Arundathi and Ranjani. I am in touch with Ranjani. Have never been able to locate Arundathi though and I have not stopped looking.
I want to see if the assembly podium still stands in its semi circular pattern with steps leading up. I want to see if the flag pole stands in the corner there with the waving flag.
I am keeping my mind open to the definite possibility of there being a radical change in the entire vision I have in my head of this beautiful simple place. I am sure I will be saddened at having come too late. But visit her I will .... soon .... and it will be one of the highlights of my life. I hope, despite all these visual changes - the essence of the place remains as I remember it - warm and welcoming
Wait for me Tirunelveli. Falling in love all over again and its a beautiful and magical feeling...............
October 29, 2009
Quirks and Me
1. I am discovering me slowly.
2. As shy as I am when it comes to dancing, I am equally outgoing and social when it comes to wooing a crowd of new people.
3. I used to think vegetables and fruits were living organisms who feel pain. Till 5 years back, I used to eat and then privately apologize to them.
4. I love water – I am a water buffalo. I can just stand underneath the shower for hours and hours together – Don't ever approach me for the "Water Conservation” ad. However I cannot bathe in cold water. The moment cold water hits my head / body; I feel breathless. I think maybe somebody tried drowning me when I was young and hence this reaction
5. I wake up on Mondays flailing my hands out – trying to reach for a big stone to throw on the clock / mobile.
6. I remember my dreams. Is this normal? Is there anyone out there who can?
7. I like half boiled vegetables. I must have been Chinese in my previous birth.
8. I do a jump, squeal, heart attack routine first. Then appear paralyzed. Then I do the die, go-to-hell & come-back-to-earth routine. For what you may ask.
My answer is one word – The Cockroach
9. I am a sucker for sob stories. I will offer you my shoulder and let you rob me of my jewels too in the bargain. I am learning to watch with a discerning eye of late. Not working very well.
10. I like trying new cuisines. Going to a restaurant, I do not like ordering what I ordered before. Very rarely do I repeat items (only when it's really lip smacking and is the right quantity)
11. I don't like sharing food I find lip smacking. That way I am like Joey. Friends and family know that I share my food only when
a. I have eaten till my heart's content and can't put another morsel in my mouth.
b. I don't like the food
When I am hungry, I get a headache. I get murderous instincts when I am starved. People start looking like Tangy pasta / big cauliflower florets / Salads / Rolls / Burgers / Chats – in one word - food; so when I am hungry – feed me or stay away from me. I am ferocious.
I can be appeased at such times with just 1 slice of bread. Something to tell my brain – more food is following. And I can go hungry for 2 -3 hours again.
I like eating in small portions and enjoy having many small meals. I can eat anything any time. I can eat pasta (cold / hot) for breakfast. I can have chats for dinner. I can also eat idli / dosa for lunch. The only exception to the above rule is sweets. I don't like sweets with the rare exception of – Rasmalai. All other sweets– are distributed away to friends and family. I am not a sweet person ( ;) no pun intended).
12. I love my family 90% of the times. The remaining 10% of the times, my thoughts range from "Was I born to them?” To "Oh they are so ingratiating” to "Gosh I need silence"
We are a unique nutty family and I love them more so because of their faults – not despite their faults
13. I am very loyal - This is an invitation for people to come exploit me
14. In summers, my big toe has to be uncovered so I can feel the cool air from the fan. This cools me down.
15. I have to read a book – actual or e-book when I need to take a bio break. At my office, I smuggle the newspapers when I have to go downtown
16. I am extremely uncomfortable when someone pays me a compliment. I wish the earth would open up and swallow me. My ears get hot. My cheeks get hot. I wish I were invisible.
17. Once I get on a cleaning spree, I am unstoppable and a pain in the rear for other co-helpers
2. As shy as I am when it comes to dancing, I am equally outgoing and social when it comes to wooing a crowd of new people.
3. I used to think vegetables and fruits were living organisms who feel pain. Till 5 years back, I used to eat and then privately apologize to them.
4. I love water – I am a water buffalo. I can just stand underneath the shower for hours and hours together – Don't ever approach me for the "Water Conservation” ad. However I cannot bathe in cold water. The moment cold water hits my head / body; I feel breathless. I think maybe somebody tried drowning me when I was young and hence this reaction
5. I wake up on Mondays flailing my hands out – trying to reach for a big stone to throw on the clock / mobile.
6. I remember my dreams. Is this normal? Is there anyone out there who can?
7. I like half boiled vegetables. I must have been Chinese in my previous birth.
8. I do a jump, squeal, heart attack routine first. Then appear paralyzed. Then I do the die, go-to-hell & come-back-to-earth routine. For what you may ask.
My answer is one word – The Cockroach
9. I am a sucker for sob stories. I will offer you my shoulder and let you rob me of my jewels too in the bargain. I am learning to watch with a discerning eye of late. Not working very well.
10. I like trying new cuisines. Going to a restaurant, I do not like ordering what I ordered before. Very rarely do I repeat items (only when it's really lip smacking and is the right quantity)
11. I don't like sharing food I find lip smacking. That way I am like Joey. Friends and family know that I share my food only when
a. I have eaten till my heart's content and can't put another morsel in my mouth.
b. I don't like the food
When I am hungry, I get a headache. I get murderous instincts when I am starved. People start looking like Tangy pasta / big cauliflower florets / Salads / Rolls / Burgers / Chats – in one word - food; so when I am hungry – feed me or stay away from me. I am ferocious.
I can be appeased at such times with just 1 slice of bread. Something to tell my brain – more food is following. And I can go hungry for 2 -3 hours again.
I like eating in small portions and enjoy having many small meals. I can eat anything any time. I can eat pasta (cold / hot) for breakfast. I can have chats for dinner. I can also eat idli / dosa for lunch. The only exception to the above rule is sweets. I don't like sweets with the rare exception of – Rasmalai. All other sweets– are distributed away to friends and family. I am not a sweet person ( ;) no pun intended).
12. I love my family 90% of the times. The remaining 10% of the times, my thoughts range from "Was I born to them?” To "Oh they are so ingratiating” to "Gosh I need silence"
We are a unique nutty family and I love them more so because of their faults – not despite their faults
13. I am very loyal - This is an invitation for people to come exploit me
14. In summers, my big toe has to be uncovered so I can feel the cool air from the fan. This cools me down.
15. I have to read a book – actual or e-book when I need to take a bio break. At my office, I smuggle the newspapers when I have to go downtown
16. I am extremely uncomfortable when someone pays me a compliment. I wish the earth would open up and swallow me. My ears get hot. My cheeks get hot. I wish I were invisible.
17. Once I get on a cleaning spree, I am unstoppable and a pain in the rear for other co-helpers
February 24, 2009
Murphy's Law
When something has to go wrong, it always will. And when everything has to go wrong, it most certainly will.
This happened on November 21 2008 on Friday. I had to go to Trichy for my brother's engagement and was to be away for the weekend. I had informed my TL of this before.
Rewind to Wednesday Night
I had to give mom a cheque for Rs. 1300. And I gave it to her dated Nov 2o 2008 forgetting that my account balance was less. After giving the cheque I realized this and told her to hold it for 2 more days as the online transfer of money would have solved the problem.
I repeatedly told amma and appa to deposit the cheque after Trichy Trip.
Rewind to Thursday Morning
2pm I get a call from my frantic dad. He had supposedly asked amma to drop a couple of cheques in the morning. In the afternoon, while he was ironing his clothes, mom happened to say that she dropped mine too. Abandoning the hot iron and crinkled clothes, he rushed to the bank to realize the cheque had gone for clearing.T My bank was closed by the time I could make any cash deposit. I had to wait.... an endless wait not knowing what was going to happen. All I could think was, my perfect record at the bank had good chances of taking a beating .
Fast Forward to Friday Morning
I rushed to the bank at 10am. I was the first customer.On being summoned I deposited cash. I also asked them if they saw any cheque that had come for clearing and they said No. I was happy I had done damage control and went to work. Wrapped up all loose ends when my boss calls me in for a meeting. Its 3.30 and appa was waiting outside. He had come to pick me up on the way back from his office. The meeting lasted 45 minutes with me squirming for some part because I had a train to catch.
My boss had apparently not known about my leave and was wild. There were talks about Saturday becoming a full working day and so on and so forth. Finally, I took leave.
I did not look up at appa who had waited so long. He didn't utter a word. I was desolate and really upset. After reaching home, I changed up and got ready for the trip when I had to go out for an errand.
Of all the days, today, I had to leave the headlights on. Now I am careful and try my best to be really responsible, but what could I do when fates conspired against me and made me erratic? So I was greeted by a car that coughed and spluttered on my face when I tried to start it. My car battery died a premature death and my car refused to budge. I had to be home in twenty minutes to leave to the station.
I looked around, saw a few security guards outside a residential apartment and asked for their help. Now I had not faced this situation before and I did not know how to handle the car when it kicked in after people pushing it.
So the security guard took my car and said he will take it for a small drive and get it back. Meanwhile I called dad and he said nothing. If he had atleast scolded me it would have been better. His silence was killing me. He said leave the car and get back. I mean what else could we do? I then called my friend Darshan, to come and help me. He came in his car and at that precise moment the security guard got my car back.
I had half thought he would run away with it. Darshan asked me to follow him and asked me not to stop at any point of time. He said if I stopped, I would have to push the car and that was not an option. He took me through all the lanes and we bypassed all the signals. I was quietly following him and I reached home. I just parked the car, I was seeing double when I realized there were some water pools that had collected in my eyes. I even forgot to thank him and just got inside.
All the way to the station, I was thinking about the day's events. The result was I got paranoid. I kept asking my folks if they had the tickets - onward and return. If the car we were traveling in, had sufficient fuel. After all assurances I started to relax.
We arrived at the station and I got my next shock. I received a message saying that the cheque had bounced and the penalty was Rs. 350 which was debited from my account. I called customer care and all they could say was, unusually, of all the days, the cheques had gone to clearing at 7 am in the morning and my deposit was at 10.
Mom and dad tried consoling me but I was beyond consolation. I felt like I had been hexed. After a while, I just started laughing. I sure did get crazy then.
It was time for the train to come and our compartment was S11. What we did not know then was that a new compartment had been added. My family bore the brunt for my cursed state :) and needless to say we entered the wrong compartment.
Imagine our horror. Dad alighted to find out which was our compartment and the train started moving. Mom, Sandy(my sister) and I in the wrong compartment and dad's position unknown. Did he get on to another compartment? We did not know....
The best thing about the wrong compartment was that there was no connecting passage to the next compartment. We had to get out and then move. We could not even connect to dad as the signal was weak. By this time, Mom and Sandy were looking fearfully at me. That's what I would like to think so, despite their reassurances.
Nothing, I repeat, nothing was right with me.
Then after 3 stations, we finally could call dad. It was nearing 9.45 pm. He said there was a railway track ahead and that the train would halt for 15 minutes. We had 3 heavy suitcases amongst us. He asked us to be ready to leave immediately. The train stopped and dad came along with another relative who was luckily in the same train as us. But he suffered from asthma and we didn't want him to strain himself.
Dad asked me to carry the biggest. I am physically frail looking but I am strong. However the journey to the other compartment was nothing like I thought it would be. The way was uneven and pebbles lined the entire stretch. I kept slipping as my slippers were not flat. And dad kept urging me to move fast. He said he was turning back to get my mom & sister and asked me to lookout for my relative. It was one of the most frightening moments in my life. I kept thinking the train would start moving just when I was midway between compartments and I would be the only one who would be left back.
Luckily for me, the curse must have started to weaken or decided to grab another victim. I reached the compartment, hand bruised from the branches on the trees, shoulder hurting carrying that suitcase. But within 5 minutes, all four of us rejoined and the train started to move. That sure was a close call and I hugged all of them.
This happened on November 21 2008 on Friday. I had to go to Trichy for my brother's engagement and was to be away for the weekend. I had informed my TL of this before.
Rewind to Wednesday Night
I had to give mom a cheque for Rs. 1300. And I gave it to her dated Nov 2o 2008 forgetting that my account balance was less. After giving the cheque I realized this and told her to hold it for 2 more days as the online transfer of money would have solved the problem.
I repeatedly told amma and appa to deposit the cheque after Trichy Trip.
Rewind to Thursday Morning
2pm I get a call from my frantic dad. He had supposedly asked amma to drop a couple of cheques in the morning. In the afternoon, while he was ironing his clothes, mom happened to say that she dropped mine too. Abandoning the hot iron and crinkled clothes, he rushed to the bank to realize the cheque had gone for clearing.T My bank was closed by the time I could make any cash deposit. I had to wait.... an endless wait not knowing what was going to happen. All I could think was, my perfect record at the bank had good chances of taking a beating .
Fast Forward to Friday Morning
I rushed to the bank at 10am. I was the first customer.On being summoned I deposited cash. I also asked them if they saw any cheque that had come for clearing and they said No. I was happy I had done damage control and went to work. Wrapped up all loose ends when my boss calls me in for a meeting. Its 3.30 and appa was waiting outside. He had come to pick me up on the way back from his office. The meeting lasted 45 minutes with me squirming for some part because I had a train to catch.
My boss had apparently not known about my leave and was wild. There were talks about Saturday becoming a full working day and so on and so forth. Finally, I took leave.
I did not look up at appa who had waited so long. He didn't utter a word. I was desolate and really upset. After reaching home, I changed up and got ready for the trip when I had to go out for an errand.
Of all the days, today, I had to leave the headlights on. Now I am careful and try my best to be really responsible, but what could I do when fates conspired against me and made me erratic? So I was greeted by a car that coughed and spluttered on my face when I tried to start it. My car battery died a premature death and my car refused to budge. I had to be home in twenty minutes to leave to the station.
I looked around, saw a few security guards outside a residential apartment and asked for their help. Now I had not faced this situation before and I did not know how to handle the car when it kicked in after people pushing it.
So the security guard took my car and said he will take it for a small drive and get it back. Meanwhile I called dad and he said nothing. If he had atleast scolded me it would have been better. His silence was killing me. He said leave the car and get back. I mean what else could we do? I then called my friend Darshan, to come and help me. He came in his car and at that precise moment the security guard got my car back.
I had half thought he would run away with it. Darshan asked me to follow him and asked me not to stop at any point of time. He said if I stopped, I would have to push the car and that was not an option. He took me through all the lanes and we bypassed all the signals. I was quietly following him and I reached home. I just parked the car, I was seeing double when I realized there were some water pools that had collected in my eyes. I even forgot to thank him and just got inside.
All the way to the station, I was thinking about the day's events. The result was I got paranoid. I kept asking my folks if they had the tickets - onward and return. If the car we were traveling in, had sufficient fuel. After all assurances I started to relax.
We arrived at the station and I got my next shock. I received a message saying that the cheque had bounced and the penalty was Rs. 350 which was debited from my account. I called customer care and all they could say was, unusually, of all the days, the cheques had gone to clearing at 7 am in the morning and my deposit was at 10.
Mom and dad tried consoling me but I was beyond consolation. I felt like I had been hexed. After a while, I just started laughing. I sure did get crazy then.
It was time for the train to come and our compartment was S11. What we did not know then was that a new compartment had been added. My family bore the brunt for my cursed state :) and needless to say we entered the wrong compartment.
Imagine our horror. Dad alighted to find out which was our compartment and the train started moving. Mom, Sandy(my sister) and I in the wrong compartment and dad's position unknown. Did he get on to another compartment? We did not know....
The best thing about the wrong compartment was that there was no connecting passage to the next compartment. We had to get out and then move. We could not even connect to dad as the signal was weak. By this time, Mom and Sandy were looking fearfully at me. That's what I would like to think so, despite their reassurances.
Nothing, I repeat, nothing was right with me.
Then after 3 stations, we finally could call dad. It was nearing 9.45 pm. He said there was a railway track ahead and that the train would halt for 15 minutes. We had 3 heavy suitcases amongst us. He asked us to be ready to leave immediately. The train stopped and dad came along with another relative who was luckily in the same train as us. But he suffered from asthma and we didn't want him to strain himself.
Dad asked me to carry the biggest. I am physically frail looking but I am strong. However the journey to the other compartment was nothing like I thought it would be. The way was uneven and pebbles lined the entire stretch. I kept slipping as my slippers were not flat. And dad kept urging me to move fast. He said he was turning back to get my mom & sister and asked me to lookout for my relative. It was one of the most frightening moments in my life. I kept thinking the train would start moving just when I was midway between compartments and I would be the only one who would be left back.
Luckily for me, the curse must have started to weaken or decided to grab another victim. I reached the compartment, hand bruised from the branches on the trees, shoulder hurting carrying that suitcase. But within 5 minutes, all four of us rejoined and the train started to move. That sure was a close call and I hugged all of them.
Oscars
I watched Slumdog Millionaire on Jan 24th. A well taken movie as it treads the same old subject of winning when all odds are stacked against you. So, message wise, the movie had nothing new to offer.
I loved the kids in the movie and I think they truly deserve all accolades for emoting so well and naturally.
Frieda was ok. Dev was better.
Being an ardent fan of A R Rehman, I am truly happy he got the oscars. However, I feel its a misplaced reward for the only reason that he has created far superior music gems in the past. And in comparison, "Jai Ho" was an average score. The lyrics by Gulzar showcased triumph of the human spirit and I liked it.
A R Rehman's music apart, his humility and down-to-earth demeanour is praise worthy. That he spoke Tamil speaks volumes about how praise and laurels will never make him forget his humble rise from roots.
Anil Kapoor was anything but subtle in his acting :).
Each character was well etched. The police station and the cops. The blind young boy(That was the most painful part of the movie for me) and the older brother.
I learnt one thing.... Two brothers who grew up in the same environment, grew up to have completely different traits in nature and that made me wonder. We are not entirely, what the society makes us to be.
We become what we want to. Society takes the praise or criticism as the case is.
I loved the kids in the movie and I think they truly deserve all accolades for emoting so well and naturally.
Frieda was ok. Dev was better.
Being an ardent fan of A R Rehman, I am truly happy he got the oscars. However, I feel its a misplaced reward for the only reason that he has created far superior music gems in the past. And in comparison, "Jai Ho" was an average score. The lyrics by Gulzar showcased triumph of the human spirit and I liked it.
A R Rehman's music apart, his humility and down-to-earth demeanour is praise worthy. That he spoke Tamil speaks volumes about how praise and laurels will never make him forget his humble rise from roots.
Anil Kapoor was anything but subtle in his acting :).
Each character was well etched. The police station and the cops. The blind young boy(That was the most painful part of the movie for me) and the older brother.
I learnt one thing.... Two brothers who grew up in the same environment, grew up to have completely different traits in nature and that made me wonder. We are not entirely, what the society makes us to be.
We become what we want to. Society takes the praise or criticism as the case is.
October 31, 2008
Last Friday
I came in to work last Friday chirpier than usual. It was going to be a 4 day long weekend. And I was happy. I was almost thankful to "The killing of Narakasura" and Diwali of course. There I almost forgot mentioning it.
I was scanning the cabin to find the whereabouts of my chair. The maid, while sweeping and swabbing must have re-allocated my (now missing)chair.
This butt is one interesting ensemble. Once it gets accustomed to a surface, you should hear it scream in agony at change. You see I could never sit on another chair but mine.(Well it actually is company property but I am seriously thinking of taking it along with me on my way out(if and when I leave the organization). I mean I have nurtured it for so long and if all this reasoning does not work, then I am going emotional. The chair will be desolate without me :)
Aah there I spot it. My Chair(MC) has veered out of the cabin and is looking .... How do I put it....ummmm...... ha inquisitive. Oh that heartless maid.... now she has gone and sparked the curiosity of MC. God forbid if MC falls in love with somebody else...... Then what of me?
I pull MC towards my sleek computer. While others have gray keyboard, black monitor and in some cases an all white outfit, mine looks like a silky panther. Oh I love looking at him.
I switch on the monitor and log on. Sometimes I wish I had read a shorter book with an interesting title. Because my current system password is 14 characters and my fingers are ready to sue Ayn Rand. Oops, my typing fingers gave out my password now... well almost...... Change is in motion. I love change. I am going to have a swanky new password now. What do I change it to?
I'll worry about it later and see whose book I can rip up for my selfish motives in getting my new password. Ayn Rand move over. ROW(Rest of the World) beware..... There is an evil laughter in my head right now and I love the sound of it. I am tired of being good. Change is in motion.... I am using this term so often I think I should make it my anthem. More evil laughter in the background....... Ee ha ha ha ha ha ha
I stop... wait. Cant I be original in an evil laugh at least? Do I have to rip of some old Tamil movie villain laughter? It is definitely evil sounding and resonating..... which reminds me I need to add a scowl on my face for the complete "evil me" look. I am almost tempted by the concept of two horns on my head, but in my head(strictly in mine), I look too comical and I burst out laughing. That's spoils the evil character I had made up. Cant gather so much energy again to continue. Phew......
I remember what Calvin says once.... "Do I have to work for everything? Its like saying I don't deserve it". True True.... One Hundred Percent.... That kid needs an international award at sarcastic reality. I love the kid. I mean as long as he is somebody else's kid ..... Whoa I see white hair sprouting by the dozen just imagining him as my kid.
Wait I am not even married. And I am thinking of a kid. If my parents could hear the thoughts in my head, I am sure they would be rolling their eyes.
My parents..... I always get distracted at this point. The other day we were watching an English movie on HBO. Of late they come with subtitles so sometimes when there is a lot of (good) noise at home(which is always by the way), one can still follow these movies.
Queen Latifah is standing in an alley with a young fella (just wanted to feel that word in my tongue).... kinda sounds nice to me. Casual, Hip ... Sigh....
Yeah so he asks her some money and she says she wont give him money as she is afraid he'll spend it on drugs and then gives him condoms as she works for an AIDS prevention welfare organization. In the next scene, she is talking to her daughter and giving the condoms to her daughter's boyfriend. And says be safe or something to that extent.
We were having dinner on the floor and watching the movie when dad said the movie was subtle, not overboard and yet managed to convey a valuable message. I am a trouble maker. I make people confront what they are painfully shy about in a comical way.
So I said: Amma Appa I have never seen a condom in my life. I was stifling my laugh when I said this because it was so brash of me and their reaction was hilarious. Mom started to explain. Actually explain.... the different kinds and texture and even flavor. Dad was squirming but having a teeny smile on his face.
Now honestly I have never seen a condom in my life. I have just heard various bizarre explanation and even diagrams from married friends. So this was a revelation. I mean my parents..... And then I realized something. I was shy discussing it while mom was going ahead in full gusto. I just squealed and ran out with my dinner plate.
Mom and Dad were rolling on the floor and laughing. This time, my attempt backfired :)
I am reading what I have written and I realize how restless a person I am. I mean I m jumping from Office to Butt to MC to Calvin to Parents and Condoms. Phew.... I tire myself :)
I was scanning the cabin to find the whereabouts of my chair. The maid, while sweeping and swabbing must have re-allocated my (now missing)chair.
This butt is one interesting ensemble. Once it gets accustomed to a surface, you should hear it scream in agony at change. You see I could never sit on another chair but mine.(Well it actually is company property but I am seriously thinking of taking it along with me on my way out(if and when I leave the organization). I mean I have nurtured it for so long and if all this reasoning does not work, then I am going emotional. The chair will be desolate without me :)
Aah there I spot it. My Chair(MC) has veered out of the cabin and is looking .... How do I put it....ummmm...... ha inquisitive. Oh that heartless maid.... now she has gone and sparked the curiosity of MC. God forbid if MC falls in love with somebody else...... Then what of me?
I pull MC towards my sleek computer. While others have gray keyboard, black monitor and in some cases an all white outfit, mine looks like a silky panther. Oh I love looking at him.
I switch on the monitor and log on. Sometimes I wish I had read a shorter book with an interesting title. Because my current system password is 14 characters and my fingers are ready to sue Ayn Rand. Oops, my typing fingers gave out my password now... well almost...... Change is in motion. I love change. I am going to have a swanky new password now. What do I change it to?
I'll worry about it later and see whose book I can rip up for my selfish motives in getting my new password. Ayn Rand move over. ROW(Rest of the World) beware..... There is an evil laughter in my head right now and I love the sound of it. I am tired of being good. Change is in motion.... I am using this term so often I think I should make it my anthem. More evil laughter in the background....... Ee ha ha ha ha ha ha
I stop... wait. Cant I be original in an evil laugh at least? Do I have to rip of some old Tamil movie villain laughter? It is definitely evil sounding and resonating..... which reminds me I need to add a scowl on my face for the complete "evil me" look. I am almost tempted by the concept of two horns on my head, but in my head(strictly in mine), I look too comical and I burst out laughing. That's spoils the evil character I had made up. Cant gather so much energy again to continue. Phew......
I remember what Calvin says once.... "Do I have to work for everything? Its like saying I don't deserve it". True True.... One Hundred Percent.... That kid needs an international award at sarcastic reality. I love the kid. I mean as long as he is somebody else's kid ..... Whoa I see white hair sprouting by the dozen just imagining him as my kid.
Wait I am not even married. And I am thinking of a kid. If my parents could hear the thoughts in my head, I am sure they would be rolling their eyes.
My parents..... I always get distracted at this point. The other day we were watching an English movie on HBO. Of late they come with subtitles so sometimes when there is a lot of (good) noise at home(which is always by the way), one can still follow these movies.
Queen Latifah is standing in an alley with a young fella (just wanted to feel that word in my tongue).... kinda sounds nice to me. Casual, Hip ... Sigh....
Yeah so he asks her some money and she says she wont give him money as she is afraid he'll spend it on drugs and then gives him condoms as she works for an AIDS prevention welfare organization. In the next scene, she is talking to her daughter and giving the condoms to her daughter's boyfriend. And says be safe or something to that extent.
We were having dinner on the floor and watching the movie when dad said the movie was subtle, not overboard and yet managed to convey a valuable message. I am a trouble maker. I make people confront what they are painfully shy about in a comical way.
So I said: Amma Appa I have never seen a condom in my life. I was stifling my laugh when I said this because it was so brash of me and their reaction was hilarious. Mom started to explain. Actually explain.... the different kinds and texture and even flavor. Dad was squirming but having a teeny smile on his face.
Now honestly I have never seen a condom in my life. I have just heard various bizarre explanation and even diagrams from married friends. So this was a revelation. I mean my parents..... And then I realized something. I was shy discussing it while mom was going ahead in full gusto. I just squealed and ran out with my dinner plate.
Mom and Dad were rolling on the floor and laughing. This time, my attempt backfired :)
I am reading what I have written and I realize how restless a person I am. I mean I m jumping from Office to Butt to MC to Calvin to Parents and Condoms. Phew.... I tire myself :)
October 14, 2008
Hanumanthappa
My parents always think I am too forthright and bold for my good and are a little afraid about this quality in me.
What I am about to narrate happened a year ago and I don't know what to make of it.
I got of as usual at the silk board junction and I saw a handicapped man. He was dragging himself on his hands as he could not walk. I could not tear my eyes away from him.
I saw him go and seek alms from all the people who were waiting at the signal. He might have gotten 15 rupees. I waited for the signal to turn green and went to him. I gave him 10 rupees and told him I ll be back again tomorrow.
In the course of my conversation I learnt his name was Hanumanthappa. He had been left by his family here, under the overhead bridge as he was a handicap. And so he had resorted to begging. He spoke in Telugu, a language I don't understand at all save a few words.
I tried conveying to him I ll be back tomorrow and felt a weight in my heart. He probably had never been spoken to before. He was dirty. I did not feel repulsed. I don't know why. I held his hand and reaffirmed I ll come tomorrow in hand gestures.
I should tell you that in the course of this conversation, the next lot of vehicles had stopped at the signal and were looking at us in a strange manner. I am ashamed to say that, I felt uncomfortable in the glare of all the people. And convincing him as best as I could, I trudged on my way to work.
My heart was heavy, I felt tears smart my eyes. I mean, I had a lovely family who would go to any distance for me. And here was this man, who was not wanted, who had been discarded like he was trash.
I wanted to do something. I called up my cousin who worked with the Times as a journalist. I asked her for organizations that cared for the unwanted. I had made up my mind. I was going to get him off the streets and be self sufficient. I did not want him begging.
She gave me a number to Miss. Lillian De Costa who ran a charitable organization. She was out of station and would be back the next day I was told.
Next day, I got of at the signal. He was there. I went to him and asked him in English and Kannada alternatively, if he would give up begging if I could find a way for him to get money. He didn't say anything. I told him I would get him enrolled into a charitable organization where he would be expected to work according to his abilities and he would be paid for it. I am not sure if he understood. But he nodded yes. I said I ll be back again.
And I contacted Lillian who said she would send a man who spoke Telugu. I asked her to send the volunteer in the morning when I would be there. I told her I would like to accompany him in enrolling him. I don't know why I told her that I was convinced he wanted to be of the streets.
Next two days the volunteer was held up in another work. And I would go talk to Hanumanthappa. He now had a smile on his face when he saw me coming.
Finally the day came when the volunteer arrived. I was in for a shock. Hanumanthappa did not want to go anywhere. He had been under the impression I was going to give him money it seems.
He said he made close to 300 Rs a day begging under the bridge. He said he would never get that kinda money working anywhere. I was at a loss for words and apologized profusely to the volunteer for making him come all the way.
I did not understand it. Maybe he had gotten too dependent on the easy money or maybe he just did not want to earn working hard. The volunteer gave me his card and said there were other ways I could help people and asked me to come over to the office sometime and see how I could be of help.
When I told my best friend this, he said "You were always a sucker for sob stories"...... and he left it tailing at that.
My parents were momentarily afraid, concerned about my safety, thinking I might have gotten to the organization all by myself taking Mr. Hanumanthappa along. Then they said they were sorry it did not work out.
My sister laughed on my face and then stopped on seeing the hurt look on my face.
I have wanted to stop thinking about the incident. Tried real hard. Tried to turn my face away when I see a woman begging with her child on the streets under the humid heat. Tried to convince myself that given a chance, they might want more from themselves.
I stopped when a beggar woman I approached screamed at me in Hindi saying I was spoiling her life when all I did was tell her to find a job as a labourer at construction sites and even told her the name of Domlur Sabha(an org in my area that works somewhat like Rotary) where her kids could study free of cost.
She refused outright and spit on the road. I was hurt that she could not see for her what I saw for her. I came home and cried. I was of no help to both the people whose cause I had taken up.
Some days after that I saw Hanumanthappa in an inebriated state under the bridge. Flies hovering around his face. I felt my chest and throat constrict. I could not swallow.
I still cant explain or put in words what these experiences have taught me. I don't know if I have learnt to leave people alone. Maybe I should.........
What I am about to narrate happened a year ago and I don't know what to make of it.
I got of as usual at the silk board junction and I saw a handicapped man. He was dragging himself on his hands as he could not walk. I could not tear my eyes away from him.
I saw him go and seek alms from all the people who were waiting at the signal. He might have gotten 15 rupees. I waited for the signal to turn green and went to him. I gave him 10 rupees and told him I ll be back again tomorrow.
In the course of my conversation I learnt his name was Hanumanthappa. He had been left by his family here, under the overhead bridge as he was a handicap. And so he had resorted to begging. He spoke in Telugu, a language I don't understand at all save a few words.
I tried conveying to him I ll be back tomorrow and felt a weight in my heart. He probably had never been spoken to before. He was dirty. I did not feel repulsed. I don't know why. I held his hand and reaffirmed I ll come tomorrow in hand gestures.
I should tell you that in the course of this conversation, the next lot of vehicles had stopped at the signal and were looking at us in a strange manner. I am ashamed to say that, I felt uncomfortable in the glare of all the people. And convincing him as best as I could, I trudged on my way to work.
My heart was heavy, I felt tears smart my eyes. I mean, I had a lovely family who would go to any distance for me. And here was this man, who was not wanted, who had been discarded like he was trash.
I wanted to do something. I called up my cousin who worked with the Times as a journalist. I asked her for organizations that cared for the unwanted. I had made up my mind. I was going to get him off the streets and be self sufficient. I did not want him begging.
She gave me a number to Miss. Lillian De Costa who ran a charitable organization. She was out of station and would be back the next day I was told.
Next day, I got of at the signal. He was there. I went to him and asked him in English and Kannada alternatively, if he would give up begging if I could find a way for him to get money. He didn't say anything. I told him I would get him enrolled into a charitable organization where he would be expected to work according to his abilities and he would be paid for it. I am not sure if he understood. But he nodded yes. I said I ll be back again.
And I contacted Lillian who said she would send a man who spoke Telugu. I asked her to send the volunteer in the morning when I would be there. I told her I would like to accompany him in enrolling him. I don't know why I told her that I was convinced he wanted to be of the streets.
Next two days the volunteer was held up in another work. And I would go talk to Hanumanthappa. He now had a smile on his face when he saw me coming.
Finally the day came when the volunteer arrived. I was in for a shock. Hanumanthappa did not want to go anywhere. He had been under the impression I was going to give him money it seems.
He said he made close to 300 Rs a day begging under the bridge. He said he would never get that kinda money working anywhere. I was at a loss for words and apologized profusely to the volunteer for making him come all the way.
I did not understand it. Maybe he had gotten too dependent on the easy money or maybe he just did not want to earn working hard. The volunteer gave me his card and said there were other ways I could help people and asked me to come over to the office sometime and see how I could be of help.
When I told my best friend this, he said "You were always a sucker for sob stories"...... and he left it tailing at that.
My parents were momentarily afraid, concerned about my safety, thinking I might have gotten to the organization all by myself taking Mr. Hanumanthappa along. Then they said they were sorry it did not work out.
My sister laughed on my face and then stopped on seeing the hurt look on my face.
I have wanted to stop thinking about the incident. Tried real hard. Tried to turn my face away when I see a woman begging with her child on the streets under the humid heat. Tried to convince myself that given a chance, they might want more from themselves.
I stopped when a beggar woman I approached screamed at me in Hindi saying I was spoiling her life when all I did was tell her to find a job as a labourer at construction sites and even told her the name of Domlur Sabha(an org in my area that works somewhat like Rotary) where her kids could study free of cost.
She refused outright and spit on the road. I was hurt that she could not see for her what I saw for her. I came home and cried. I was of no help to both the people whose cause I had taken up.
Some days after that I saw Hanumanthappa in an inebriated state under the bridge. Flies hovering around his face. I felt my chest and throat constrict. I could not swallow.
I still cant explain or put in words what these experiences have taught me. I don't know if I have learnt to leave people alone. Maybe I should.........
September 25, 2008
Mom and Dad - Part 1 of Infinity
Raja is my mom and Aiyyappa is my dad. Thats what they call one another.... The endearment is mushy even after all these years.
Mom: You know what??? And a family tale is being told here.
Dad: Rama.... Lets not talk about mess. Lets watch this serial. This mad house situation is comic. Each one is competing for that " Cheekh ho to aisi ho varna na ho " intending that Reliance advertisement
Mom: Enna(Another endearment in our language).... but why are we not going there? Dont they like us?
Dad: Raja its not like a family get together is it? And I cannot come. I will not get leave from work.
Mom: Hmmmmm..... but still....
At this point, dad says in a louder tone, U know you should not gossip about such things. They may have their reasons. And these kinds of conversations are not healthy.
Mom: Gosh... You are so touchy? Why are you thinking I am taking a dig at your family when all I am asking are innocent questions. You are the one who is misinterpreting and twisting the entire meaning.
Dad did something so unpredictable. He started laughing. Gosh you are impossible. And the entire argument got lost in happy tears :)
By the way, my parents are related so all the bickering about the family is the same family realted to both sides :)
I realized then that humor was such a great way to diffuse an uneasy situation. I love my parents especially my mother for bringing laughter into our house and being the pillar that supports all of us.
We would be lost, especially my dad, but for her.
I have never looked beyond my parents as an example of the best couple. By this I do not mean that they are perfect. Both have their imperfections...... but they are like 2 halves that are incomplete when separate.
Together they are one.
Amma and Appa, I am gonna use you as my characters in some stories I wish to regale in the future. You are my heroes :)
Mom: You know what??? And a family tale is being told here.
Dad: Rama.... Lets not talk about mess. Lets watch this serial. This mad house situation is comic. Each one is competing for that " Cheekh ho to aisi ho varna na ho " intending that Reliance advertisement
Mom: Enna(Another endearment in our language).... but why are we not going there? Dont they like us?
Dad: Raja its not like a family get together is it? And I cannot come. I will not get leave from work.
Mom: Hmmmmm..... but still....
At this point, dad says in a louder tone, U know you should not gossip about such things. They may have their reasons. And these kinds of conversations are not healthy.
Mom: Gosh... You are so touchy? Why are you thinking I am taking a dig at your family when all I am asking are innocent questions. You are the one who is misinterpreting and twisting the entire meaning.
Dad did something so unpredictable. He started laughing. Gosh you are impossible. And the entire argument got lost in happy tears :)
By the way, my parents are related so all the bickering about the family is the same family realted to both sides :)
I realized then that humor was such a great way to diffuse an uneasy situation. I love my parents especially my mother for bringing laughter into our house and being the pillar that supports all of us.
We would be lost, especially my dad, but for her.
I have never looked beyond my parents as an example of the best couple. By this I do not mean that they are perfect. Both have their imperfections...... but they are like 2 halves that are incomplete when separate.
Together they are one.
Amma and Appa, I am gonna use you as my characters in some stories I wish to regale in the future. You are my heroes :)
September 7, 2008
No Longer a Rat
What am I ? At the end of the day, I am a rat in the rat race. What do I want to be years down the line?
There are many smart, well-thought out and correct answers I could give...... answers that could help job seekers immensely.
But what do I really want? I want an adventure. I want something different from my life and this time around its not about the money. It was never about the money. Things can get screwed up when money is given over emphasis. I am tired.
Its like having a multi-heading hydra monster. You take out one head, another new one pops out.
Expectations..... Its like too much of sugar. Its annoyingly sweet but too much.
I am 25 and I want to do things differently. Why? I hate being one amongst the innumerable rats. And I hate running.
There are many smart, well-thought out and correct answers I could give...... answers that could help job seekers immensely.
But what do I really want? I want an adventure. I want something different from my life and this time around its not about the money. It was never about the money. Things can get screwed up when money is given over emphasis. I am tired.
Its like having a multi-heading hydra monster. You take out one head, another new one pops out.
Expectations..... Its like too much of sugar. Its annoyingly sweet but too much.
I am 25 and I want to do things differently. Why? I hate being one amongst the innumerable rats. And I hate running.
July 20, 2008
The Swim
I was born in Bangalore and exported to Bombay :) and came to Tirunelveli to begin Standard I.
One of the simplest, down to earth and the loveliest places I have ever stayed in - Tirunelveli. The people were very very helpful and kind. It is a small town in Tamil Nadu. The local language was Tamil. My sister and I would only speak in English and never learnt Tamil(incidentally our mother tongue) till a year later. Everyone thought my parents were North Indians as they were fair skinned until they started to speak Tamil.
We stayed in Maharajanagar, a small locality. There were two rows of houses separated by a road between. During rains, my front yard would get flooded and we would float paper boats. Those were fun times - muddy water, the smell of wet earth just before the rains, school holidays and the skies.
I have never seen the skies having so many shades of blue and gray. It was like looking through a smoky glass. I spent 4 years here - I Std to IV Std.
There were lots of kids to play and we were a boisterous bunch. Boys would join us in the cooking game and we would join them in the exploring. There was a railway track which I could see from my backyard which had wild plants growing but none harmful. We could enter my house from the front door also and the back door too.
The normal day began with the train whistling past and it was a sign that all was well.
Beyond our two row of houses were vacant plots. The area was not developed and it gave us kids ample space to roll in the muddy brown plots and come back. There were no Surf and Aerial ads then. I am sure our clothes would have given them a run for their money.
It had been raining incessantly for a week now and we were all restless having been cooped inside. When the rains ceased, we were out before you could say the word "Abracadabra". We found a pond that had formed in the "Restricted Area" and we decided to there at 5pm. I still remember what I wore. Funny how some things stick in our memory and others don't.
It was a white satin frock with short sleeves and pink and lavender flowers all over. It was made from the "Garden" material which never looks worn out. One can wear it for years and it still would like reasonably new. It also had a white belt with lavender tips.
The pond was big. It looked like the sea to my eyes. I didn't know swimming and neither did my sister. All of us held hands and started wading inside from one end of the assembly line . White frock could go to hell ha ha ha ha. We were about 9 of us. Five boys and 4 girls. I was the third from one end and my sister was in the other end holding the hand of a bigger guy.
It was scary. My heart was beating but there was an adrenaline rush and excitement at doing something taboo. The first guy and girl entered and then I did. In a minute all of us were in the pond. The water came up below my knee. The water was not very muddy and we could see little fish swimming around.
My end of the line decided to move one step inside. But they did not communicate correctly or I did not decipher correctly and I moved in too fast and slipped on something slimy. I went under water and thought I was going to die when I realized all I had done was wet myself head to toe as the water was not that deep.
All of us got scared then. The evening sun had gone out and it was getting cool. I started shivering. All of us receded back. The other end which included my sister had escaped without getting wet. Being a plotter, I told my sister and friends how I could avoid getting beatings from mom.
I told my relatively dry friends and sister to go via the front door and keep my mom busy by talking to her. I then asked my sister to get me a fresh frock and come to the back door. The bathroom was outside the house. I thought I will change up and come from the front door.
If mom asked where I was, my sis was to tell that I was at the neighbor's place. The plan seemed fool proof to my 9 year old brain. Since mom had not seen me leaving the house, she would not realize which frock I had worn.
The plan would have been foolproof had the villain not arrived--- My father. Dad usually came in by 7. That day he came in by 6. When fates conspire, what could I, an ordinary little girl do?
So when my friends and sister went up the front door, my dad opened the door. I can't imagine what their expressions would have been... Flabbergasted??? I wish I had been there :) Now it seems funny... Then it was terrifying......
Their jaws must have dropped. Dad was surprised to see the entire army save one soldier at his front door it seems. While they kept my dad distracted, my ever smart mom(Like daughter- So mom :) ) was watchful. My little sister tried slipping inside the bedroom and picking a frock. She almost made it to the back door and opened the latch after ensuring the curtain that hid the back door was in place.
My mom must have followed her because, when my sister opened the door for me, my eyes popped out and my jaw dropped. Because, standing a distance behind my sister was my mom. And there I was wet from head to foot, frock soaking wet. My sister unaware of mom behind her little frame, said "Akka(Big Sister) put this on and handed the frock to me".
After my friends bade a hasty exit, All hell broke loose and I got the first whack of my life, on my bum. And the first long lecture that just went on and on and on. I promised I would never do something so foolish and never try to cover it up with my hair brained ideas.
I promised solemnly. And under my breath added never to get caught.... :)
But I was a good kid... A normal kid who played pranks.... But always the safe pranks thereafter, because I quite did not like the experience of swallowing all that weed filled slightly dirty water. And my mom kept scaring me that weeds were going to sprout out of my mouth and I was going to become a hairy monster.
Parents... I tell you.... They know how to scare the shit out of their kids. I used to wash my mouth several times a day for a week after until I chanced upon my parents laughing about it. I was relieved and joined in the laughter.
The good thing about this incident was - An enclosure was put around the pond for safety and to keep curious, inquisitive kids like us out.
One of the simplest, down to earth and the loveliest places I have ever stayed in - Tirunelveli. The people were very very helpful and kind. It is a small town in Tamil Nadu. The local language was Tamil. My sister and I would only speak in English and never learnt Tamil(incidentally our mother tongue) till a year later. Everyone thought my parents were North Indians as they were fair skinned until they started to speak Tamil.
We stayed in Maharajanagar, a small locality. There were two rows of houses separated by a road between. During rains, my front yard would get flooded and we would float paper boats. Those were fun times - muddy water, the smell of wet earth just before the rains, school holidays and the skies.
I have never seen the skies having so many shades of blue and gray. It was like looking through a smoky glass. I spent 4 years here - I Std to IV Std.
There were lots of kids to play and we were a boisterous bunch. Boys would join us in the cooking game and we would join them in the exploring. There was a railway track which I could see from my backyard which had wild plants growing but none harmful. We could enter my house from the front door also and the back door too.
The normal day began with the train whistling past and it was a sign that all was well.
Beyond our two row of houses were vacant plots. The area was not developed and it gave us kids ample space to roll in the muddy brown plots and come back. There were no Surf and Aerial ads then. I am sure our clothes would have given them a run for their money.
It had been raining incessantly for a week now and we were all restless having been cooped inside. When the rains ceased, we were out before you could say the word "Abracadabra". We found a pond that had formed in the "Restricted Area" and we decided to there at 5pm. I still remember what I wore. Funny how some things stick in our memory and others don't.
It was a white satin frock with short sleeves and pink and lavender flowers all over. It was made from the "Garden" material which never looks worn out. One can wear it for years and it still would like reasonably new. It also had a white belt with lavender tips.
The pond was big. It looked like the sea to my eyes. I didn't know swimming and neither did my sister. All of us held hands and started wading inside from one end of the assembly line . White frock could go to hell ha ha ha ha. We were about 9 of us. Five boys and 4 girls. I was the third from one end and my sister was in the other end holding the hand of a bigger guy.
It was scary. My heart was beating but there was an adrenaline rush and excitement at doing something taboo. The first guy and girl entered and then I did. In a minute all of us were in the pond. The water came up below my knee. The water was not very muddy and we could see little fish swimming around.
My end of the line decided to move one step inside. But they did not communicate correctly or I did not decipher correctly and I moved in too fast and slipped on something slimy. I went under water and thought I was going to die when I realized all I had done was wet myself head to toe as the water was not that deep.
All of us got scared then. The evening sun had gone out and it was getting cool. I started shivering. All of us receded back. The other end which included my sister had escaped without getting wet. Being a plotter, I told my sister and friends how I could avoid getting beatings from mom.
I told my relatively dry friends and sister to go via the front door and keep my mom busy by talking to her. I then asked my sister to get me a fresh frock and come to the back door. The bathroom was outside the house. I thought I will change up and come from the front door.
If mom asked where I was, my sis was to tell that I was at the neighbor's place. The plan seemed fool proof to my 9 year old brain. Since mom had not seen me leaving the house, she would not realize which frock I had worn.
The plan would have been foolproof had the villain not arrived--- My father. Dad usually came in by 7. That day he came in by 6. When fates conspire, what could I, an ordinary little girl do?
So when my friends and sister went up the front door, my dad opened the door. I can't imagine what their expressions would have been... Flabbergasted??? I wish I had been there :) Now it seems funny... Then it was terrifying......
Their jaws must have dropped. Dad was surprised to see the entire army save one soldier at his front door it seems. While they kept my dad distracted, my ever smart mom(Like daughter- So mom :) ) was watchful. My little sister tried slipping inside the bedroom and picking a frock. She almost made it to the back door and opened the latch after ensuring the curtain that hid the back door was in place.
My mom must have followed her because, when my sister opened the door for me, my eyes popped out and my jaw dropped. Because, standing a distance behind my sister was my mom. And there I was wet from head to foot, frock soaking wet. My sister unaware of mom behind her little frame, said "Akka(Big Sister) put this on and handed the frock to me".
After my friends bade a hasty exit, All hell broke loose and I got the first whack of my life, on my bum. And the first long lecture that just went on and on and on. I promised I would never do something so foolish and never try to cover it up with my hair brained ideas.
I promised solemnly. And under my breath added never to get caught.... :)
But I was a good kid... A normal kid who played pranks.... But always the safe pranks thereafter, because I quite did not like the experience of swallowing all that weed filled slightly dirty water. And my mom kept scaring me that weeds were going to sprout out of my mouth and I was going to become a hairy monster.
Parents... I tell you.... They know how to scare the shit out of their kids. I used to wash my mouth several times a day for a week after until I chanced upon my parents laughing about it. I was relieved and joined in the laughter.
The good thing about this incident was - An enclosure was put around the pond for safety and to keep curious, inquisitive kids like us out.
July 19, 2008
Dreams....... Part I
Do people remember their dreams?? Do they have just hazy recollections of what they see or do they simply experience the emotions of the dreams - happiness, sadness, anger, disappointments but not the actual event?
I wonder......
I remember every detail about my dreams. I wish I could not.....
Since my dad works for the bank, a transfer every 3 years is a part and parcel of our lives. There was this time we were stationed in Delhi.
It was a cold freezing night and the heater was on in the room that I shared with my sister. We were under the "rajai" - local term for a thick blanket that was essential to keep oneself warm in the harsh winters of Delhi. We had picked up four. Maroon for my sister, Blue for mom, Green for dad and Orange was mine.
I have always been able to sleep instantly. All I need is a pillow and blanket. In mild summers, I would keep my big toe outside for some cooling and in winters my feet had to be warm for me to fall asleep. I was a sight in my long pink T shirt having a big Teddy, pj's, socks, cotton in my ears and gloves - Cold discomforted me.
That night, I slept at around 10pm. I am with my family in my school bus.... This is how my dream began, innocuously.
I am sitting with my sis, mom and dad are together and children alighting the bus at their respective stops. I remember all of us laughing at something driver uncle (I used to call him that) remarked.
Suddenly dad got off at a stop and I look in surprise to see that none of us are alighting with him. My sis and I move to the seat behind my mother, lest she feels alone.
After two stops, she also gets off and my sis and I remain behind. We are upset but putting a brave front.
The driver uncle stops after a while and we are the only two passengers left. He says the bus would go no further, that it was the last stop.
My sister and I get off and there is this long brightly lit tunnel. My sister and I start walking towards it, holding hands. After covering a few meters, the lights go off in the tunnel and I feel the grip on my sister's hand slackening. I try holding harder and the faster her hands slip out. When the lights came back after a few minutes, I stood all alone in the middle of the tunnel.
I woke up crying inconsolably. I was trembling and my sister could not hold me. My parents came rushing inside and it was only when I saw that I still had them, my crying stopped but the sobs continued. My mom applied "Vibhuti" ( holy ash meant to ward of negative energy) on my forehead. I could not sleep for a long time that night. I held my sisters' hand and finally in exhaustion dozed off. We all slept together that night.
I told my parents and my sister about the dream in the morning as my mom had once told me that if dreams were spoken out aloud they never came true.
They dismissed it as just a dream and I was asked to pray to God :) which I did :)
Exactly a year later, I finished XIIth and my sister finished Xth. There were talks about dad getting a transfer to Bangalore(All of our relations are here, so this was really good news) and we all came down to Bangalore to spend a week, find colleges for the both of us. After finalizing it all, came the shocker. Dad did not get the transfer.
When we had first gotten a transfer from Chennai to Delhi, it had been decided that Dad would stay in Delhi and the three of us- me, my mom and my sis would remain in Chennai as studies were crucial. I had put up a big fight. I said I would not leave my dad alone and that I would go to Delhi and stay with him and even cook for him. I refused to go to the new school in Chennai. Childish adamancy some might say....
How would anybody know what it means for a child to be separated from either of the parents? Unless one has gone through it, words mean nothing.
I remember when my dad left to Delhi, how much we all cried. Bringing those memories to surface today also make my eyes moisten. I had to be dragged at the airport. Thats when mom decided we would all go to Delhi. She could not see my and my sister crying all day long and breaking sown on phone whenever dad used to call from Delhi.
So when a repeat of that happened, with the three of us here and dad having to complete a year in Delhi, mom put her foot down and said we had to stay put in Bangalore while dad finished his tenure and joined us.
There was no repeat and we lived in our own house in Tippasandra, Bangalore. My college was reopening a month or so later as the thespian "Dr. Rajkumar" had been kidnapped and all normal activity ceased in Bangalore.
So we all went back to Delhi to spend time with dad for a month. When we landed, we were shocked to see dad unwell. Being an asthamatic and having to fend for himself without mom had left him really weak and taken a toll on his health . Mom decided her husband needed her and told us she would stay back.
This came as a shock as we would now return as two. The day we had to leave we told our parents not to come to the airport, but they did not listen. I remember getting inside the airport for the check and a sheet of glass separated my parents and us. We just kept palm on palm on either side of the glass and crying. My sister and I had only one another now.
We returned to our house and my periamma(mom's elder sister) came to look after us. It was never the same. But that separation taught us lessons of life. We had to fend for ourselves.
The first two portions of my dream had come true. Dad left first and then mom and followed.
A year later.... My dad got transferred to Mangalore. My sister got admission to XIIth and then "BANG". My course was unavailable in Mangalore.
Everyone left me and went to Mangalore and I was left alone. It took 5 years for them to rejoin me. Many incidents happened in these years to shape me as a human being and I am proud of who I am today. Though there are times I wish my parents had been with me, for me.......
...... to be contd
I wonder......
I remember every detail about my dreams. I wish I could not.....
Since my dad works for the bank, a transfer every 3 years is a part and parcel of our lives. There was this time we were stationed in Delhi.
It was a cold freezing night and the heater was on in the room that I shared with my sister. We were under the "rajai" - local term for a thick blanket that was essential to keep oneself warm in the harsh winters of Delhi. We had picked up four. Maroon for my sister, Blue for mom, Green for dad and Orange was mine.
I have always been able to sleep instantly. All I need is a pillow and blanket. In mild summers, I would keep my big toe outside for some cooling and in winters my feet had to be warm for me to fall asleep. I was a sight in my long pink T shirt having a big Teddy, pj's, socks, cotton in my ears and gloves - Cold discomforted me.
That night, I slept at around 10pm. I am with my family in my school bus.... This is how my dream began, innocuously.
I am sitting with my sis, mom and dad are together and children alighting the bus at their respective stops. I remember all of us laughing at something driver uncle (I used to call him that) remarked.
Suddenly dad got off at a stop and I look in surprise to see that none of us are alighting with him. My sis and I move to the seat behind my mother, lest she feels alone.
After two stops, she also gets off and my sis and I remain behind. We are upset but putting a brave front.
The driver uncle stops after a while and we are the only two passengers left. He says the bus would go no further, that it was the last stop.
My sister and I get off and there is this long brightly lit tunnel. My sister and I start walking towards it, holding hands. After covering a few meters, the lights go off in the tunnel and I feel the grip on my sister's hand slackening. I try holding harder and the faster her hands slip out. When the lights came back after a few minutes, I stood all alone in the middle of the tunnel.
I woke up crying inconsolably. I was trembling and my sister could not hold me. My parents came rushing inside and it was only when I saw that I still had them, my crying stopped but the sobs continued. My mom applied "Vibhuti" ( holy ash meant to ward of negative energy) on my forehead. I could not sleep for a long time that night. I held my sisters' hand and finally in exhaustion dozed off. We all slept together that night.
I told my parents and my sister about the dream in the morning as my mom had once told me that if dreams were spoken out aloud they never came true.
They dismissed it as just a dream and I was asked to pray to God :) which I did :)
Exactly a year later, I finished XIIth and my sister finished Xth. There were talks about dad getting a transfer to Bangalore(All of our relations are here, so this was really good news) and we all came down to Bangalore to spend a week, find colleges for the both of us. After finalizing it all, came the shocker. Dad did not get the transfer.
When we had first gotten a transfer from Chennai to Delhi, it had been decided that Dad would stay in Delhi and the three of us- me, my mom and my sis would remain in Chennai as studies were crucial. I had put up a big fight. I said I would not leave my dad alone and that I would go to Delhi and stay with him and even cook for him. I refused to go to the new school in Chennai. Childish adamancy some might say....
How would anybody know what it means for a child to be separated from either of the parents? Unless one has gone through it, words mean nothing.
I remember when my dad left to Delhi, how much we all cried. Bringing those memories to surface today also make my eyes moisten. I had to be dragged at the airport. Thats when mom decided we would all go to Delhi. She could not see my and my sister crying all day long and breaking sown on phone whenever dad used to call from Delhi.
So when a repeat of that happened, with the three of us here and dad having to complete a year in Delhi, mom put her foot down and said we had to stay put in Bangalore while dad finished his tenure and joined us.
There was no repeat and we lived in our own house in Tippasandra, Bangalore. My college was reopening a month or so later as the thespian "Dr. Rajkumar" had been kidnapped and all normal activity ceased in Bangalore.
So we all went back to Delhi to spend time with dad for a month. When we landed, we were shocked to see dad unwell. Being an asthamatic and having to fend for himself without mom had left him really weak and taken a toll on his health . Mom decided her husband needed her and told us she would stay back.
This came as a shock as we would now return as two. The day we had to leave we told our parents not to come to the airport, but they did not listen. I remember getting inside the airport for the check and a sheet of glass separated my parents and us. We just kept palm on palm on either side of the glass and crying. My sister and I had only one another now.
We returned to our house and my periamma(mom's elder sister) came to look after us. It was never the same. But that separation taught us lessons of life. We had to fend for ourselves.
The first two portions of my dream had come true. Dad left first and then mom and followed.
A year later.... My dad got transferred to Mangalore. My sister got admission to XIIth and then "BANG". My course was unavailable in Mangalore.
Everyone left me and went to Mangalore and I was left alone. It took 5 years for them to rejoin me. Many incidents happened in these years to shape me as a human being and I am proud of who I am today. Though there are times I wish my parents had been with me, for me.......
...... to be contd
June 10, 2008
Intruder at night
I reached home late from work one Thursday night. I gave a “ I am tired today--- Don't disturb me right now ” look to my dad, who was sprawling across the divan and mom who was on the couch. I dropped my bag on the side table in my room and went to refresh myself. As I entered the bathroom to wash my feet and hands, I had a strange sensation that I was being watched. I felt a prickling on the back of my neck.
I looked around immediately. There was no one. I did not search in the dark areas as I fear the dark. I must have taken quite some time as my mum put her head inside and saw me standing still.
She startled me by asking , “What are you doing? Not coming for dinner?
I said, I ll be there. I went to my room, changed into my night clothes all along keeping my room door slightly open. I then entered the hall to have dinner with my family. I tried to remain calm. I finished my dinner and proceeded to sleep.
Since my grandfather was staying with us then, my cousin used to sleep in the bedroom along with me and my sister. My sister and I on the cot while she used to put her mattress, in the space after the cot.
Both my cousin and sister come in late. So I was awake till around 11.30 poring through my books keeping two lights on. It was cold. And I was distracted by “God knows what”? All calm was broken when both the devils arrived almost one after the other. While they were devouring dinner, I put aside the books and got ready to sleep as I knew any studying then was pointless. But I was also relived I was not alone in my room anymore. After the usual chitchat each one of us proceeded to sleep around 12.10.
All of us were tucked in comfortably when we realized that the tube light was still on. None of us wanted to get out of the warm cozy blanket. And suddenly, both my cousin and sister were asleep. I knew it was all a pretense just so they didn't have to wake up. Since I can't sleep with the light on, I had no choice. I got up, switched off the light and dived under my blanket in case some ghost caught my legs. I don't know why I was getting images of the “Ring” ghost with long hair. To calm my frayed nerves I read some e-books on my phone. In half hour, my eyes started getting heavy and I could not keep them open. I drifted off into sleep.
It must have been around 3am. I am not sure. I was trying to scream.... I could not find my voice. It was like I was choking seeing something horrifying in my dream and my throat felt like there was cement stuffed down my throat. And suddenly I managed to shake away the dreadful feeling and screamed “Ma”. Hearing to my scream, my sister also screamed. I sat up and was sitting up looking shell shocked. My sister immediately switched on the light and asked me what the matter was.
My cousin sat there saying nothing, but looking sleepy and angry. I said something touched me. It was real. My sister was my “Knight in Shining Armour”. She immediately looked around and we all saw the culprit. It was a wretched cockroach. It must have brushed past my face. My sister immediately got in action, picked up “MY” slippers and went Whack Whack Whack. She missed.
Then I turned my anger to my cousin. I told her that it was her unwashed clothes kept in a disarray next to my cot, that made the cockroach visit me. I was also throwing my frustration at her that she did nothing to help me when I was terrified. She said she almost died of a heart attack listening to our screams and that she would have died without even knowing the reason for her death. At this we all started laughing.
And my mom came in like the Indian Police, at the end of all the action asking what the commotion was about? We recounted the tale and my cousin got yet another earful for her dirty clothes and my mom left the room.
After my mom left, we were still smiling with my cousin exclaiming what an exciting night it was. My sister was tired and she wanted to sleep. And the tube light was on :). This time we bullied our cousin to switch it off.
I was restless and could not get back to sleep. I proceeded to ask them how my scream was? And I got the quieter repeat version of it from my cousin who also mimicked my sister's scream which was hilarious listening to, after the incident.
I had one last question. Was my scream blood curling? My cousin said NO. I asked again : Was it spine chilling? She again said NO. My sister was getting annoyed and she said Your scream was heart stopping and a killer scream at that. And that if I did not shut up, she was going to kill us both with her bare hands. That put us in place and we went back to sleep.
I didn't sleep immediately. I was happy my scream had been heart stopping. Good I could scare somebody too. Suddenly a thought struck. If the cockroach had not been there, I would have still been in the grip of that nightmare. I silently apologized for having called it wretched and thanked him for having saved me from my nightmare. I then went to sleep peacefully :)
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